Here are five key points I have learned about relating to other people…
1) Attend to the other person in the relationship. The opposite of 'me, me, me'. We tend to grow up believing we need to push for what we want and that takes us so far, but to go further, especially in relationships, we need to do the exact opposite - focus on what the other person wants.
2) Take responsibility for the effect of your communication. If somebody doesn't understand, take that as your problem not theirs. Don't say 'You've missed the point' or 'You're not getting it': Do say 'I'm sorry. I can't have been clear. Let me try again.' Over time that makes a big difference. If others 'don't get it', you still have some communicating to do.
3) Find out what's important to people. How? Ask them. 'What's important to you about xyz?' Then you know something about their values, and their values determine their behavior, so you have the key to what will work for them.
4) If someone tells you what they don't want, find out what they do want. You can't deliver an absence of what somebody doesn't what. That's like going shopping with a list of things you don't want to buy.
5) Find the point of balance between you and the other person in what you want - the 'win-win'. Get in the groove - the zone - where results start to flow because you're both pulling in the same direction. Pushing and pulling backwards and forwards is desperately inefficient.
